Friday, February 22, 2008

Eddie's Weekly Wine Column

When Erin and Shirlie first approached my agent with the idea of having me submit a weekly wine column for their website, I was excited. Wine is certainly one of the literally thousands of topics that I have so much knowledge to share. This column will finally provide the world an opportunity to read about the vast and virtually boundless insights my palate has to offer.

So while I was eager to jump at the idea, my agent informed me of one catch: no pay. “What?” I simply did not understand. I would bless this website and the world with my whimsical musings and creative observations on wine, and receive no payment. No seven-figure salary. No stock options. Why should I agree to this, I wondered? So I went on strike. With the Hollywood Writers’ Strike over, surely talk of a Bloggers’ Strike would garner loads of media attention.

But after a few weeks of picketing out in front of SmelltheBasil’s headquarters, it hit me. By refusing to contribute my columns, I was not just destroying SmelltheBasil, I was also harming the world by withholding this gift. Thus, I struck an interim agreement with SmelltheBasil’s owners, reserving the right to revisit my compensation package at a later date.

So what exactly will my column be about? Holding on. Because each week my column will rock your senses, poke holes in your world-view, and possibly cause sleepless leg syndrome if consumed with certain over-the-counter medicines. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I’d consult a physician before making a habit of reading this column each week because side affects will vary.

My column next week will discuss the wines I taste at the February 23, 2008 Culinary Expo in downtown Baltimore, Maryland. I just hope that I’ll be able to enjoy the food and wine without being constantly hounded by my fans for autographs and pictures. Next week I hope to share with you some new bargain wines I discover at the expo. What do I consider a bargain wine? Basically any bottle under $16. How did I come up with $16 being the threshold? Basically, I pulled that number straight out of my ass. (And you will notice in future columns, that’s a resource I’ll have to tap from time to time.)

So what should you drink to tide you over until next week’s column? Try a bottle of the 2005 Columbia Crest Grand Estates Merlot, widely available around $11. This selection combines the no-nonsense signature of the merlot grape with a smooth finish so fine it will leave you longing for the days when wearing silk underwear wasn’t just for women. This wine will go well with all meats, but I’d keep it away from spicy foods. And at $11, it’s one of the best widely available bargain wines out there. Thank me later.

Cheers, Eddie


Anonymous said...

Great column! I can't wait to read next weeks. You should negotiate for higher pay!

RAH · Mount Airy, MD said...

Now I know why you aren't paid the big bucks: Your weekly column isn't that weekly! Quick, give us another recommendation on a good bottle.